wounded

(copied from "a place for dance in the church" on the Ted Dekker forum)

I knew that what happened with the church dance team I was part of a few years ago had hurt.
But the recent dance threads and dance-praying I have been doing have made me realize that what I thought was a stage I wound is really a stage V. The scab came off the top, now I'm bleeding all over the place and I don't even know how deep the undermining of this wound goes.

I'm not sure if that was overly personal to post in here but I really feel at a loss. I'm so thankful to have this gift of dance just between me and God. But the deeper I go in that, the more painful the longing to use this gift within the body of Christ becomes.

And how does one do that when one isn't even a part of the institutional church?

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Am I just emotionally overwrought right now? Why does this hurt so much?

Abba?