Silence

It is difficult to just be with God and be silent, as evidenced by this blog entry.

But somehow, even the silence of God is a gift.

Praise Him

Still don't know how to say what is happening.

Have you ever been broken by the reality of your own selfishness and self-centredness? Flinging yourself in hope on the feet of Jesus.
And then in the next song, have God tell you that certain events were for you? Because of His love and desire.
And somehow this does not put you back at the centre at all.
But the honor and humiliation of it is just overwhelming.

I've been there tonight.

What a mystery our Lord is, His ways and His thoughts. His love and faithfulness.
Oh my God, may I discover more and love you more.

"Praise the Lord, all you nations
Praise Him all you people of the earth
For He loves us with an unfailing love
The faithfulness of the Lord endures forever."
Psalm 117

Rejoice!

Confession

Ever feel like you have so much to say but when you pick up the pen or rest your fingers on the keyboard, nothing comes?

It is hard to capture a particular thought or emotion long enough to elaborate on it. But maybe elaborating isn't needed. Here are a few thoughts and emotions:

God loves me.

I love Him.

There is something dangerous happening in the spiritual realm right now.

Joy.

Wonder.

Fear.

Hope.

Confession is a necessary and painful part of growth. Something that isn't done very often but something that I think I need to do as part of this spiritual battle.

Abba, what would you have me say?

I confess that I have hidden behind a mask of spirituality. I hold myself to be a person of integrity and honest vulnerability but that isn't true. I have sought the esteem of my friends, Church and strangers first. Lord, forgive me for being deceitful. Even a single lie tarnishes the trust others have given.
I confess that I am afraid of this confession. That everything I have said and done will be judged by the confession. That the truth I have spoken or acted upon will be lost.
Abba, help me to seek You first. Always. I love you.

*cries*

Farewell...

"Behold any one who is in Christ is a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come!"
II Corinthians 5:17


Tonight is the time to say "farewell", but although it is passing away, it will not be forgotten. There are many beautiful memories and many lessons learned.

A highlight would be the trip to Honduras. I learned the difference in a very real way between "saber" and "conocer". I experienced a spark of connection that bridged two cultures and languages. A part of me stayed there.

Another highlight would be the babies I held in Nursing 295, how precious and terrifying and awe-inspiring to witness the miracle of birth! Unforgetable. Well worth all that went wrong in that course.

Then there were all those moments spent on mountain tops, breathing ocean air, hugging mossy trees and feeling very alive in B.C.

Dozens of faces and names and personalities who alternately stand out and blend together from my care aid work in the summer. Residents who smiled and teased and shouted and touched and shared so much of themselves with me.
Hobbit: *scowls at me* HEY!
Me: *smiles big* Hey!
Hobbit: *scowls harder*
Me: *still smiling* what's wrong?
Hobbit: YOU
Me: What's wrong with me?
Hobbit: YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL *smiles*
Me: *thunderstuck*

And, as always, there was dancing... a new theme running under the music, arousing anticipation and bittersweet hope.

I was blessed beyond what I gave. And I pray that in the new, I will have more opportunities for sacrifice and that I will walk closer in His steps.


A moment of somberness, reflection and sentiment, I have allowed myself in this post. But I have no wish to cling to this breath of wind. There is too much more ahead. I am not afraid to say "good bye".

Rest in peace, 19th year...

East to West

This is one of my theme songs currently: www.myspace.com/castingcrowns - East to West

Listen. :)