Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

----from disputed sources (Marianne Williamson, Nelson Mandela)

Samwise Gamgee and Me

"Well, I'm back" he said.
-p. 378, Return of the King.


Why I am thinking about Lord of the Rings? Tracks of music from the Return of the King soundtrack have been the backdrop of my flight back to Canada. It is difficult to identify what I am feeling but the music fits my mood well. It is a sort of bittersweet pensiveness mixed with longing and peace. The peace was slow to come but I have become increasingly aware of it. The adventure isn't really over but one story has ended.

I feel like Sam.

Or rather, I feel like how I imagine Sam would have felt when when those words were said above. I know I have changed but not in any obvious or easily identifiable way (e.g. I haven't dyed my hair blue). My time in Honduras stretched my perspective and my heart. By meeting and connecting with those wonderful people, I know more of the world. By knowing more of the world, I know more of me. And God is even more real.

Like Sam, I began the adventure with only a vague idea of what was to come but an optimistic enthusiasm to discover. I didn't go as far as Mordor on this particular journey but it has still been profoundly impacting. When Sam finally meets the elves, whom he has only had limited knowledge of, he is at a loss for words. The experience was more than his ability to express it. What I experienced was more than I could have expected.

Now, I am back. But here isn't the same anymore either. And I have said goodbye to close companions, friends who have shared the adventure with me. It is all so very peculiar... But as Frodo tells Sam: "Do not be too sad... You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole... You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do."

So...

I take a deep breath,
"well, I'm back"

Purpose

Erev tov,

What is the purpose of this blog? I haven't really decided yet. Obviously, it is a mode of expression but what do I want to express?

I suppose I simply want to be known for who I am and sometimes it is easier to write than to speak.

Well, we shall see where the road leads...

Shalom, friend.
Leanna